Total power is within your reach...or is it?
Be nice to people, not rude. Be friendly, not unfriendly. Exude
hiya-vibes, not grrr-vibes. Get people to do the small thing first, so they will do the big thing
later. By such measures you too can win friends and influence people, a.k.a. Get Anyone to Do
Anything. See, thing is, if you manipulate others properly, they will want to do what you want –
"as studies show!" (Um, does this include the tax man?)
Such is the message, or much of it, of Get Anyone to Do Anything,
what passes for Dale Carnegie homage. It is an empowering tome. In fact, it promises to give you all
the power you could ever want. "Why go through life letting others lead you, when you can use the
greatest psychological secrets to make things go your way...get anyone to do anything...and never feel
powerless again!" Learn how to "outsmart, outthink, and outmaneuver... anyone, anyplace, anytime...."
Hmm. I wonder what psychological secret I can use to beguile you into reading the next paragraph?
Hey, it works.
Some of the book's observations make sense. Who can disagree that if
you enter a room punching everybody in the nose, you reduce the chances of gathering a roomful of
allies to your bosom? Yes, it's true, you elicit better cooperation from people you are nice to than
you do from people you are always snapping at and insulting. An idea of what motivates people also
helps.
Salesmanship has its place. Granted, it's always nice to be nice...if
you're not in the middle of brain surgery when the attention wanders of the nurse who is supposed to
hand you the nerve clamp...if you're not a cop who wants your partner to dodge the bullet ("Look Bill,
I know you're busy, but remember how we talked about the importance of bullet-ducking? And how you
acknowledged that if a bullet were coming toward you, you should indeed retreat to a different
position? Well, if I could have your attention for just a moment, seems a slug is heading right toward
your skull right now, so would it be okay with you, ahem, if I ask you to duck, like right now, before
your brain is splattered all over the pavement?")...if you're not dealing with a surly punk determined
to take your good will and your resistance-defusing techniques and ram them down your throat.
So, yes, strive for a good first impression. Build bridges when you
can. Don't enter the room with a boulder-sized chip on your shoulder.
But does it take a whole book to say that?
No, not a whole normal book. But a whole this book, Get Anyone to
Do Anything by David J. Lieberman, PhD? With its 40 skinny little chapters and goo-goo-ga-ga
me-dumb/you-dumber prosody? Yes, this book needs a lot of space to say such things, and, indeed, is
pretty much exhausted by the time it gets through expectorating its trivial insights over and over and
over. Yet it doesn't sit on its laurels after having reached such empyrean heights. Heroically, it gets
up off the ground, dusts itself off, and goes even further. Yep, being nice means you get to get
whatever you want from people. Just plug them into your niceness battery, tap in your tactically-honed instructions, and watch
all your plans and dreams come to immediate fruition. Jeez I wish I'd had this information in the
1970s when I was growing up with all my hellish siblings. If only I'd poured on a little more of the
niceness juice.
The techniques work, except when they don't work. The insights are
valid except when they're not. So go ahead, say "Hello" and "Good Morning" and "So can I count on you
to be there at 11 on Saturday?" But niceties, manners, psychological ploys, useful though they may be,
except when they're not, only go so far. They cannot be the constituents of a soul. A con man might get
a fair amount of mileage from the tricks in Lieberman's little book. Problem is, he would still be a
con man. And no trick could prevent you from realizing that he's a con man, if you just look at him
honestly and don't expect something for nothing.
Tactics are not virtues. If you wish to win friends and influence
people in the only way you should, then build your character, the way Howard Roark does in Ayn Rand's
novel The Fountainhead. Do your job, and do it well and with integrity. Treat others honorably. Follow
through on your commitments. When you talk, know what you are talking about. Discover the moral
principles you should live by, and live by them. Forget the techniques. Just let people see who you
are.
Copyright 2005 by David M. Brown. Brown is a freelance
writer and editor. To view previous installments of this column,
click here.
Books to read
- Those Dirty Rotten Taxes by Charles Adams
- Get Anyone to Do Anything by David J. Lieberman, Ph.D.
- The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand
International Society for Individual Liberty
> Book Beat: "How To Manipulate Others For Fun And Profit"
