Question Earthority!

My initial reasoning in switching from a gas-powered lawn mower to something else wasn’t “hey, I can save the earth,” or even “hey, I can save money.” Rather, I found that over time mowing was becoming an increasingly unpleasant physical experience. I don’t know for sure if it was a chemical sensitivity to the exhaust fumes, or perhaps that the gas-monster was throwing so much pollen into the air, but the finale of my weekly ritual cutting of the grass was more and more frequently becoming an extended coughing and retching fit.

I used an electric mower for a couple of years, and liked it a lot. It came to me as a used gift with one wheel already coming off. When a second got bound up on itself and started twisting the plastic housing of the mower around it a few weeks ago, I already had a replacement in mind: The Scotts 16-Inch Elite Push Reel Lawn Mower.

The price was right (about $80 at my local Home Depot). The operating cost is right (no gas, no oil, no electricity!). The performance? So-so. It cuts the grass well, but there’s a particular weed with a wiry, rubbery stem that just ignores the blade. I’m obviously going to be doing some pulling or pesticiding if I want the yard to not look like hell. Then again, good luck with that — I’ve got two pre-teen sons with a lot of friends and a disturbing fondness for shovels. And in theory (I haven’t used the mower long enough to test it), reel mowing makes the grass healthier and greener both in the way it cuts and by evenly dispersing the cuttings as re-fertilizer.

But let’s talk about the whole “saving the earth” thing.

A typical gas mower allegedly spouts as much carbon and other pollutants into the air as 10 or 12 automobiles operating for the same length of time. The reel mower doesn’t produce any such direct emissions at all. I suppose if I was a skinny bastard, I’d need to count the polluition cost of producing the extra calories I consume mowing toward the impact, but I’m a fatbody. I won’t be eating more. Rather, I’ll hopefully be slimming down if using the reel mower is really more of a workout than pushing an electric or gas mower. So far, it doesnt’ feel like there’s a lot of difference.

My reel mower doesn’t use gas. It doesn’t use oil. Consequently, I don’t have to drive the car down the road to resupply when I realize that the gas can is empty or that I’ve used up my quadrennial court of 10w-40. The mower cost me a good 50 bucks less than the comparable gas model next to it, and at today’s gas prices I’m probably saving a buck every time I mow my small yard, so perhaps $20 over the course of the mowing season. Over the life of the mower, I’ll probably save at least $150-200, which is a nice start toward the rooftop wind turbine I’ve been dreaming of, or at least a solar-powered water heater.

My favorite thing about buying the reel mower is the same as my favorite thing about switching to energy-efficient CFL light bulbs … nobody made me do it. Nobody had to lobby for legislation to force it on me. Captain Planet and the Planeteers didn’t have to swoop down on me with citation books in hand. It made sense to me to do it, so I did it. That simple.

Not that that will stop statist yahoos — who use “the environment” as a demagogic tool for seizing ever more power on principle — from proposing a “reel mower mandate.” The widespread adoption of CFLs didn’t stop them from screaming for a law, either. Saving the earth from environmental damage is half the job. Saving it from faux environmentalists — authoritarians in green clothing — is the other half.