Q:How do you stand up for your right to be treated fairly and respectfully by the authoritative CEO of a firm, when the Human Resources Manager and the Managing Partner (who are also authority figures) laugh about your concerns and tell you to "just lighten up!". It is hard enough to voice concern toward authority as it is, but how can things improve after that?
     Specifically, my concerns relate to my boss constantly making some derogatory remarks about my origin (I am from Germany and he greeted me with the Hitler "Sieg Heil" greeting every morning and made other rude comments). It really hurt, because I am nothing like that, but when my other two bosses just laughed about my concerns/ worries, I did not know what else to do.
     Cornered in California

A:Dear Cornered

     Unfortunately, bullying and harassment such as this is common, even though it is childish and inappropriate in the workplace.

     According to the website lawyersandsettlements.com, "Harassment is any form of unsolicited, deliberately offensive behavior." It is not the harasser but the target who gets to decide whether it is harassment. If it makes you uncomfortable and the harasser refuses to stop, it is considered harassment legally. For them to tell you to "lighten up" is therefore a dereliction of duty as well as rude and inconsiderate.

     Your bosses may think because you are a young woman from another country and have not fought back through other means, that you are not a threat so they don't have to take you seriously. Show them they are wrong.

     It is unfortunate that the State has pre-empted the manner in which we are allowed to deal with such problems. Private arbitration requires a contract that permits it and private mediation requires that both sides agree to it. You do not have these options. Since the CEO is the one doing the harassing, your options are to bluff about legal action, to follow through on legal action, to take it to a newspaper or find a new job. Here is how you can go about each of these options.

     You should, first of all, write down in as much detail as you can, all the specifics-dates, times, what was said by the CEO, what you replied, who witnessed it, etc. Describe calmly but firmly how the remarks made you feel. State specifically that you found the remarks offensive and that they made you uncomfortable. Point out that you have objected to the remarks but to no avail. This is what lawyers recommend and want to see, therefore your bosses should recognize the signs that you are getting serious!

     Second of all, you should state that it is your understanding that California labor law specifically forbids workplace harassment based on ethnicity or country of origin. This will alert them to the seriousness of their actions as well as your determination to be treated with respect. The Human Resources Manager, above all others, should have known better.

     Third, state that you want the harassment to "cease and desist." If they think this is funny, then they are fools. It is a legal term and suggests you are taking the problem to a new level and may even have consulted a lawyer. Most companies don't want to risk law suits so by showing them that you know the law, you are suggesting that you may be ready to file a legal complaint with the EEOC and/or get a lawyer. They won't want this! Even if you are bluffing, they don't know that.

     Unfortunately, the CEO is the one doing the harassment so I can't advise you to take it to the higher-ups. But you should give copies of your letter to him and to the other bosses. If they continue harassing you or pressure you to back down, stand firm. Don't let them intimidate you. They may try to claim you don't know what you are talking about but they are wrong and they know it. They'll be afraid of a lawsuit and may want to scare you but don't let them.

     If you can afford it, you should seriously consider spending a few hundred dollars to have a lawyer write the "cease and desist" letter. Nothing like a letter from a lawyer to make people sit up and take notice. If they try to harass you more or try to fire you, the lawyer will have more grist for the legal mill.

     An additional or alternative possibility is to take the letter with all its details to your local newspaper. Your situation is just unusual enough that it may whet the interest of the paper. We all know that sexual harassment of women and racial harassment of blacks is illegal but the law also says "country of origin" and "ethnic." It does not specify "black" or "Arab." The paper might just see your situation as a human interest story and do an article on it. Public humiliation is sometimes more effective than the threat of legal action.

     You should also look at the Internet websites dealing with harassment and bullying in the workplace and see what information they have to offer. One that could help you is bullyinginstitute.org. It has information about psychological as well as legal issues. It also tells you how to find a lawyer who specializes in workplace and employment issues and has links to a discussion forum. Information and research about the productivity cost to companies for allowing bullying can also be found on this web site. You may even want to include some of the research in your letter.

     Lastly, if the harassment continues but you do not choose to follow the legal options, you should consider looking for a new job where you will be treated fairly and with respect. Tell the bosses why you are leaving. If they joke about that, you will know you have made the right choice.