Q: My friend May works at a hotel chain. One male she works with keeps making unnecessary sexual comments even though she has told him that it bothers her. She talked to the manager but he ignores her because when the manager is around the other guy is a saint. She tried to get her schedule changed but the manager won't let her. She likes her job but doesn't want to quit. She feels hopeless about this situation. What can she do?
– BM in CA

A: First of all, May should keep a diary or journal, listing every incident, including date, time, exactly what was said, and witnesses, if any. Documentation is crucially important in case the manager tries to make trouble for her later. She should then write a polite letter to the offending male explaining that he has created a difficult work environment for her and she doesn't think this is appropriate. Give a copy to the manager. A written letter is more powerful than spoken words AND provides proof that she has made a reasonable effort to deal with the problem. If this doesn't work, then she should write a detailed letter of complaint to the regional field manager or possibly even the CEO of the hotel chain. Send it certified mail. Her letter will show the field manager or CEO that she is serious and that she has tried to solve the problem in a reasonable way. Most CEOs don't want trouble and will take action to prevent it.

For more information on how to deal with sexual harassment without involving the law, read Joan Kennedy Taylor's excellent book, What to Do When You Don't Want to Call the Cops: A non-Adversarial Approach to Sexual Harassment.