Q: When it comes to dealing with authority I usually find myself becoming shy. I get really nervous when I speak to people who are higher than me, especially depending on the subject. I do not usually speak up even though sometimes I really want to. How do I become more confident in speaking to those on higher levels?
   Nervous Ned

A: First you need to recognize that you have a right to speak up. That might sound trite but you have to believe that you have something worthwhile to say and that it's OK to say it. Then take steps to overcome it. You might sign up for an assertiveness training class at an Adult Education School in your area. This would not only teach you useful techniques but give you practice as well. If you can't find a course, you can read Your Perfect Right: Assertiveness and Equality in Your Life and Relationships by Robert E. Alberti and Michael L. Emmons. It is considered by many professionals to be the best book on the subject.

     The suggestions in this book are based on cognitive therapy, which is a very effective approach to behavioral and attitude change. Here are a few ideas based on the authors' suggestions:

• Positive self-statements: "I have the ability to do this if I really set my mind to it."

• Concentrate on a particular situation: Think of what you might say and do. Imagine handling it.
• Practice acting it out.

• Stop imagining the worst: What could they possibly say to you that would be so horrible?

• Ask yourself so what? Even if you flub up, is it the end of the world? No, of course not. Identify the payoffs: What will you gain by being willing to speak up?

     You can also try modeling someone you think is appropriately assertive. Imagine how they would talk to an authority, take a deep breath, and do it! Good luck.