Q: I'm afraid that my little brother, who is in third grade, is being bullied in school by a fifth-grader. He's recently opened up to me about the issue. However, he's afraid to tell our parents and he's obviously afraid to alert school authorities. As his older sister, I feel obligated to alert our parents but at the same time, I don't want to betray his trust in any way. My question is how should I approach this situation and should I alert parental as well as school authorities?
Worried Sister

A: You are right to be concerned because bullying can be psychologically damaging to a child. First of all, assure your brother that it was a good thing for him to tell you what is going on. No one should have to endure bullying and he needs to understand that he has a right to speak up. Then, talk to him about how to handle himself when it happens. The experts say that children should be encouraged to act self-confidently, not fearfully. Bullies thrive on fear in their victims. If your brother can't get away from the bully, he should tell him in as firm and confident a tone as he can muster, to leave him alone or GO AWAY. Having supportive witnesses is a good idea. Sometimes, if bullies don't get the fear response they are hoping for, they will quit. A book that helps parents discuss bullying and how to respond to it is Your Child: Bully or Victim? by Peter Sherras. It gives suggestions on how to build the child's self-confidence to deal with such situations.

     If this is not enough, and there's a good chance it won't, then your brother needs to be assured that telling the school authorities and your parents is a good thing. It will not only help him, it will protect other children from this bully. Being bullied hurts the child's self-esteem and can have long-term effects. It also hurts the bully. According to Bullying: How to Deal with Taunting, Teasing and Tormenting by Kathleen Winkler, the consensus of opinions among the former victims of bullying is that parents and the school need to be notified.

     The child is often afraid that the parents or teacher will confront the bully and that will only make it worse. Unless the school authorities have no backbone and refuse to deal with the bully, this is not usually the case. A good school will have appropriate policies in place to deal with such situations. Once the bully knows they can't get away with it, many bullies will stop. Remember, bullies are not courageous, they are really cowards.

     If the school does not have policies or programs, parents should urge the school to take action to start one. Bullying is a serious problem in schools today and school authorities are remiss in their duty to protect children if they do not act. If the school is unwilling to stop the bullying, there is always the option of a threat of a law suit but that is a last resort.